# Critical Sarcasm for the knees

# Old Ass Sudotask

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## Greeting Cards Galore

audio version

Oh, it's Mother's Day? You better buy a card. Valentines day? Someone sick? Someone far away? Someone alive? Someone dead? Someone you don't even remember? BUY A FUCKING CARD YOU PRICK!

What's with all the greeting cards? What do they mean? Why does everyone feel that they should send a card? Why do people feel bad if they don't get a card? This is marketing. Brain-numbing marketing.

It is really quite amazing. You have to write out an envelope and place a stamp on it anyway. Why not just write a letter?

Why go to the store and give someone money for some ink printed on card stock? Hell, the only thing people typically write in a greeting card is some lame valediction like "yours truly."

With the exception of comedic cards, this is the most insincere way for someone to show they care. With comedic cards, at least someone took the time to find something entertaining. This is a bit more than just dribble on card stock. Someone actually had to write something clever some point. At least a bit more clever than, "Happy 60th!".

However, even though it's painstakingly obvious that a generic card simply says, "I barely care enough about you to spend two minutes at the store and put a stamp on an envelope", it seems to be enough for some people to feel loved. Oh wow, so loved. Someone cared so much as to pay someone else to write you a fucking letter. All he did was sign it.

Just remember, buy cards at every insignificant event, or your friends and family will hate you.

A short one today, but no reason to drag it out. I very rarely buy greeting cards. I figure if I don't care enough to visit, call, or write a letter; why should I bother with a card?

However, when I have bought cards in the past, I always tried to fill every bit of blank space with writing. That, at least, adds something personal to it.

Anyway, in the words of my father, "I don't like buying cards, and I don't like getting cards."