# Critical Sarcasm for the knees

# Old Ass Sudotask

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## Learn how to drive!

Audio version.

Let's learn how to drive.

- Stay well maintained.
  1. Keep your fluids up. Oil keeps your vehicle from seizing up. Clean and thin (thinnest recommended by manufacturer) oil helps with mileage.
  2. Trans fluid keeps your trans going strong. It sucks when your trans blows up.
  3. Break fluid allows you to break.
  4. Power steering fluid keeps your power steering pump from exploding, and also makes it easier to steer.
  5. Keep those check engine lights out, as more cars have traction control, check engine lights can be dangerous for new drivers as they tend to disable traction control.
  6. Keep that tire pressure at the recommended level. Under-inflated tires create excess friction which may cause a tire to blow. Over-inflated tires may cause excessive wear on tires. Properly inflated tires are safer, and promote mileage.
  7. Check your breaks. Same reason as break fluid.
  8. Create a regular maintenance check. At least monthly.

- If you like to save gas, don't break!

NOTE: This doesn't work so well for city folk, but you should try to avoid the situation of needing to break. Keep in mind, whenever you hit the break you are countering any gas you previously put in.

1. If there is a stop light down the road, slow down. Why speed up to it, come to a complete stop, and start moving from a stop again? Starting from a stop uses extra gas. Breaking away all that gas spent speeding to the stop sign is also wasted.
2. Pretty much the same with stop signs, but either way you end up coming to a complete stop. Yield signs are awesome.
3. Sorry city folk, the plethora of overly-aggressive drivers prevent you from trying to break efficiently.

- Chill out
  1. Don't swerve across traffic to make a turn. Just take the next one. It's not worth risking all the lives.
  2. Accelerate slowly, no need to spend so much gas just trying to get up to speed
  3. 55 miles per hour is standard for a reason. It's typically the best speed to mileage ratio. Speeding doesn't help you here. Unless the speed limit is 25, in which case you'll have bigger bills to pay if you are going 55 in a 25.
  4. In the situation of a line of cars at a stop sign. Stop gunning it whenever the person in front moves an inch. Just let the idle handle it if it can. That gas is being wasted anyway.
  5. Let people in. Pay attention to turn signals. Don't gun it when someone is trying to merge over.
  6. When stopped, don't block entrances/exits/railroads/roads.
  7. It's not a race (typically) stop trying to win.
  8. Back the fuck off. Three seconds is actually a pretty good measurement that scales fairly well. Notice a car in front of you pass a point, how many seconds does it take you to reach that same point? Anything three seconds or further is plenty of space.

Stop looking at your crotch, it's not that interesting. People love to stare at their crotch while they drive. Why? Is it that important? Turning, weaving, accelerating, merging. THESE ARE STUPID FUCKING TIMES TO TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE ROAD! FUCKING STOP IT!

That last line is important. The only thing more dangerous that people typically do is weaving through traffic in an attmept to win. Two people in this lane at the light? I better swerve over into the left lane where there is only one person stopped. Not sure why getting to the store is worth risking everyone's lives, but oh well. Such is life. People feel invincible until they are cripple.